Do I Wanna Know?
by claupadfoot
Summary: Love is treacherous, it can fix you or destroy you. There's no line in between. Angst.
1. Realize

**Hello there! so this story came to me one night and I couldn't resist writing it. It's going to be three chapters long so I hope you guys like it. Please leave reviews I would love to know what you think about it :)**

 **Thanks to my beta Caryn for everything!**

 **Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me unfortunately.**

 **Enjoy the reading.**

 **(X)**

 ** _Love won't be tampered with, love won't go away. Push it to one side and it creeps to the other._**

 **Louise Erdrich.**

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"So you think you know me better?" Emma stepped forward, getting closer to the brunette.

"No, I think I know you enough," Regina laughed, that kind of deceptive laugh. "What does that even mean, Miss Swan?"

"It means I know your secret. I know Regina," Regina's eyes showed fear and her breath stopped a little but she stayed stoic.

"You know nothing, Emma Swan. And it's better if you get the hell off of my front porch!" Emma leaned closer disobeying Regina's wish. Their breaths colliding, Regina held her breath.

"This is not over," said the blonde, "I will not leave you in peace. You'll see me around, Regina, because I know, and I know you're scared." Emma smiled. Regina sent her a glare.

"You don't know what I'm capable of." Emma stepped back and looked into deep brown eyes for the last time. "Maybe I know more than you think. Good night, Majesty." She bent down taking a bow, and stepped back to her Bug.

Regina's eyes snapped open. It was a dream. Her hair was damp and her heart beating too fast. "Just a dream. A nightmare." She glanced at the clock, 4:30 a.m., sleep going away faster than she wanted. Henry wasn't going to be up till 7 sharp. She thought about taking a long bath to soothe her wild thoughts. She was scared, even when everything was just a dream. Just the thought of Emma knowing what she had been hiding for so long terrified her.

For Regina, it was never easy to let herself feel, freely feel. So having these strong feelings toward Emma scared the shit out of her. Her mother always taught her that love was weakness. She herself never gave her love; her mother was a cold person. Even cruel. And her father died when she was too young. So, love was a subject too heavy for Regina. She loved Henry of course, but she learned. She struggled every day with him, not knowing how to change a diaper, or how to soothe him when he was crying. She did learn, though, and she loved him with all her heart. It was a different love; it was a connection between mother and son. What she felt for Emma was beyond. She started to care about the Sheriff, to worry about her health and her sleepless nights. They had become some sort of friends, co-parents. And everything began to fall down from there. The way Emma looked at her sometimes felt too real, too deep, too scary. The way her hands searched for her, protecting her constantly. How every phone call lasted too long, or how a simple dinner became an overnight deal with some drinks on their hands. It was extremely confusing, because she knew, Regina Mills knew how she felt about Emma Swan. Regina Mills was utterly and remotely in love of the Sheriff. And Emma, she was clueless.

Emma was Regina's rock and bone. Emma made her feel safe, strong and even weak. How she let herself dig deep into this hole, she didn't know. She just started feeling. She started smiling more, even laughing at Emma's jokes.

If Emma knew that sometimes she let herself fall asleep crying, because the pain was too much, because the fear was eating her alive. If only Emma knew the demons, all the cruelty that Regina had caused. She couldn't even think about that, about Emma rejecting her. About Emma being scared of her. That would be too much to handle. That would destroy her.

The bubbles in the bath were disappearing too fast, and the time was going quickly, but her thoughts didn't let her to realize that. She was so consumed in her thoughts that she didn't hear the knock on the door. She didn't hear the screams of Henry outside calling her name. She didn't hear a single thing because she let herself sink down into the water, she let herself get lost once more.

"Mom?! Are you there? Are you okay?!" Henry kept yelling, he was worried. He spent at least half an hour knocking on the door. Till he decided to call Emma.

"Hello?" Emma's sleepy voice came though the line.

"Ma? You need to come, something happened!" Henry was hysterical, breathing faster and his voice came out like a yell.

"Hey, kid. Calm down. What's wrong?" Emma listened anxiously, completely waking up.

"It's Mom, I think something happened because she hasn't answered the bathroom door, Ma hurry!" Emma hung up the phone and ran to her clothes to put on the first thing she found. She stepped from her room and Snow looked at her with worry.

"Emma, honey, what's wrong? Where are you going?" Emma huffed. She had no time for talks.

"Uhm, something happened, where are my keys, dammit!" Snow left the cup on the table.

"Hey, calm down, they're in the sofa. What's happening? Is Henry okay?" Snow seemed worried and confused.

"No, uhm, Regina. I don't have the details. I'm just going, don't worry. I'll call you." Snow looked at Emma running through the door and before she left screamed, "Take care!"

She had never gone so quickly to Regina's house like that morning. The Storybrooke streets were empty and she broke every single rule in driving, putting no care about it because she was the Sheriff anyway.

She searched for the key under the mat, and went through the door calling Henry out. He appeared telling her that Regina still hadn't answered the door.

Emma ran upstairs and told Henry to stay outside the room.

"Regina? Open the door!" she knocked once, twice and decided to break the door. Once she did, she found Regina laying in the water, her eyes closed, "Regina! Oh, my God. Regina, wake up!" the blonde shook her, and searched for her pulse finding none. "Regina, come on! What the hell did you do! Dammit!" she laid Regina's naked body on the floor and started compressions on her chest, but nothing happened. Henry came and stopped dead in his tracks.

"Mom?" his voice came squealing with fear. "Ma! What's happening?" Emma look through terrified green eyes.

"Henry I told you to stay outside! Dammit! Go and call 911, come on kid!" He ran to get the phone, while Emma kept going with the compressions finding no pulse. She started to give Regina CPR mouth to mouth. At the second try Regina spilled water from her mouth and opened her eyes slowly to Emma's emerald eyes, "Shh, it's okay. I got you. It's okay, Regina." The brunette broke the silence with sobs. She held herself tight to Emma's body, and Emma held her with strong arms, "It's okay. Shh, please don't cry. It's okay." Regina looked at Emma's tired eyes, searching for comfort and finding a strange look in those beautiful eyes. Something she hadn't seen in a while, fear. "Can you stand up? We need to cover your body," Regina looked at her with brown widened eyes, she hadnt noticed her state. "I know. It's okay. I, I'm going to get a towel and some clothes. Come here." She gripped strongly at Regina's body, lifting her up in her arms with no effort. They entered the bedroom and Emma wrapped Regina in a towel.

"Mom?" Henry's softer voice came in the room, "Ma? Is everything okay?" Emma glanced between mother and son.

"Did you call 911?" He nodded. "Okay, good. She's fine. Everything is going to be fine." The bell rang to their ears, "Go get the door, kid. We'll be here." He went downstairs immediately. "Okay, I need you get dressed, do you want me to help you?" Regina nodded. She was speechless and useless in this moment. She felt numb. "I'll be here. I'll be with you." Emma reassured Regina. She helped her to get dressed before the paramedics entered the room. Emma leaned to put a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "I won't leave you alone, you got me." Regina embraced herself and Emma put her arms around to hold her. Hold her like her own life.


	2. I Almost Do

**Well hello! I'm so excited about all the favorites and followings thank you so much, also you can always leave me a review because that's like food to me.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own any characters.**

 **Thanks to my beta Caryn, as always.**

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 **(X)**

 _ **Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.**_

 _ **Mary Shelley.**_

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Two days after the bath "accident" as Emma liked to call it, Regina was still in the hospital. She hasn't had any wound, but the doctor recommended checking her in for a while. Emma stayed with Regina those two days. Henry was still a kid, and Regina needed someone older to take care of her.

The doctor said it was more than just an accident that Regina attempted against her own life, but Emma didn't want to accept that. Regina wasn't capable of committing such things. No, Regina didn't risk her life. It was an accident. And it was better to think like that. For the sake of her mind and Henry's.

"Hi," Emma peered her head through the door and looked to Regina lying in bed.

"Hi," came weaker than expected from Regina's voice. She was still a little medicated and tired. Emma stepped inside the hospital room. She left for a couple of hours to change and go to work, "How are you feeling?" Regina glanced to emerald eyes, grateful and embarrassed.

"I've been better. But I'm okay. Thank you for asking, Emma." Emma dismissed it with a wave of her hand. "No, I mean it. Thank you, for staying, for..." Emma stared at her. Lifted her finger and closed Regina's mouth.

"I'm glad you're better. You scared us, you know. Ha!" she bitterly laughed, "Yes, you know how to scare us, dammit Regina. Don't you dare ever do it again." Regina looked to Emma's eyes. They were suddenly full of tears. Emma shook her head and half smiled "I, I can't lose you, you know." Regina's eyes began to water, and hope rose in her chest, "I can't take care of Henry on my own. He needs you." That hope crashed a little. And it hurt, it hurt like hell. "I need you." Regina couldn't stop the tears falling down her cheeks. Everything was overwhelming lately. Emma's thumb caressed her cheek and with a stroke of her fingers she cleaned the trail of tears. The blonde leaned to plant a soft kiss on Regina's forehead.

"Emma…" The blonde shook her head and silenced the brunette with a kiss. Their lips brushed slowly. The kiss was wet with tears but with so much meaning. Their lips molded in synchrony and their breaths hitched so close. Emma straddled Regina's lap and pressed her body more against the brunette. Their lips brushed in a heated way, the kiss melting all the world and problems away. They both were a good mess. Emma asked with her tongue for entrance and Regina moaned against her lips. The kiss lasted a long time, or maybe just a moment. But it changed everything. There was no pain, no fear for a moment, just an amount of understanding and love.

"Ahem," They separated quickly, Emma turned to watch to the door, and saw her mother. Her cheeks turned red and sudden fear clenched in her chest.

"Snow, I mean Mom, I…" Snow smiled.

"You don't need to explain what I just saw. I think actually you both need to talk about it, huh?" Regina and Emma stared at her speechless. "Oh, don't look at me like that. I might be Snow White, but I'm not as innocent and idiotic as you might think I am. I have eyes, and apparently I've been watching for too long. I just came to see if you were okay, Regina. I think you're in good hands, so I'll come back later." Without anything more to say, she turned to leave the room. Emma stared at the door, stoic and with concern on her face.

"Did she just? Did she? What?" Regina laughed out loud for the first time in days. Emma frowned. "It isn't funny, you know. What the hell did just happened?" Regina massaged Emma's leg and stared with such love in her eyes.

"I think your mother just told us to get our shit together." Emma frowned even more but laughed.

"I, I just. Regina…" Regina shook her head. "Don't say anything."

"But…" Regina sighed.

"It was the moment. It was a mistake, I know Emma. It's okay." Emma stared blankly at her.

"Whoa, what? No, no." Regina turned her head to the side and one slow tear flowed through her eyes. "Regina look at me, please. It wasn't a mistake. Regina, please." Regina shook her head once again. "Please go."

"No." Emma dead panned, "No, you need to hear me out."

"Emma…"

"Listen, it wasn't a mistake. You aren't a mistake, Regina."

"Emma, go! Just leave me alone!" Emerald eyes shined in pain. One tear fell from the blonde's eyes and she stood up to leave. "I can't talk about this. I can't, please leave."

"I, I'll be back." Regina sobbed into her pillow, and Emma did her best to not run to her arms and hold her close. She was so afraid of the kiss they shared, so afraid of loving Emma. Even though apparently Emma shared some feelings, she was really afraid of letting her feelings flow. What could happen? They could hurt Henry, they could waste all this time and throw everything they built up in the past years. And Regina couldn't handle that. She couldn't lose Emma.

But the truth was that Emma Swan was in love with Regina. She was completely sick in love with her. And it hurt. And the possibility of losing Regina thanks to that kiss was killing her. The blonde left the room and went to the cafeteria of the hospital to drink a coffee, she needed it. Actually she needed something stronger but a coffee would do.

She glanced at her phone, two missed calls from David. She didn't want to talk right now. Her head was a mess and her heart was even worse. That kiss was everything Emma ever wanted, but why did it feel so wrong? Was it because Regina acted that way? How could Regina think she was a mistake?

"Dammit!" Some doctors stared at her and she just decided to leave the hospital. Maybe a walk would help to clear her thoughts.

She went to her Bug and started the ignition, going to the docks wasn't the best idea, but maybe the water would help her clear her mind. She sat on a bench and stared at the water for a long time, just thinking.

She stood there with all the thoughts running like fire in her mind. Why was it so hard? Why was everything about Regina so complicated? And about her. The knot in her throat grew every second and her breathing became difficult. Emma occupied a good space in Regina's life now; they were in a good place, right? Or weren't they? Well that was if things weren't screwed already.

Emma hated to be so insecure, but when it came to feelings, everything was unknown. Growing up in the system left her damaged and to trust wasn't as easy as it should be. Even knowing that she trusted Regina, having feelings for the Mayor was extremely difficult.

Everything with Regina felt different though. It felt big and strong. Close to the line of painful. The way they looked at each other, the way they talk about life, because they had become friends. She loved the feeling of being close to the brunette, how her hands began to get sweaty and her voice came out in a whisper sometimes. She hated how everything they had, a fight left her feeling hopeless, tiny and even broken. It was so confusing, yet endearing. Loving Regina was the best and the worst thing that had ever happened to Emma. The best because she never knew about such things as love, she never shared a bond so strong with someone. At least till now. But it was the worst at the same time, because everything was unknown. She didn't know how Regina truly felt, or if she even shared the same feelings. A kiss could mean two things, love or desire. But both?

"Fuck!" She kicked the bench, immediately regretting the action. "God, what should I do? Ugh, fuck, dammit!"

"You should watch your mouth, honey." Emma startled at the intrusion.

"Mom? What are you doing here?" Snow sat next to the blonde.

"I came here to talk. No, let me finish. I don't want to judge you, Emma. I want to help." Emma sighed, "Let me in. Let me help you, honey." Emma bit her lip fighting back the sudden sob.

"I just, I don't know what to do." Snow scooted close, holding Emma in her arms, and the blonde for the first time let herself cry, be held. She hadn't known how it felt to be like this with her mother, but she needed it. She needed support. "I, I don't know if she, oh god." A muffled cry escaped from her throat, "I almost lost her. She, she did, she tried…I. God. I can't." Snow just held her tighter not saying a word knowing that Emma needed to talk first.

"I know Regina. And I've seen love in her eyes many years ago. And I can tell you Emma, she loves you. That spark is there, and maybe you both are too stubborn to realize it. But she loves you, honey. And you love her, right?" Emma nodded. "Then you need to get through to her, you need to tell her. Because I'm sure she's afraid."

"I am afraid too. I can't. I, God. I can't just go and tell her. Everything is just so complicated." She stared at the water.

"Sometimes we make things more complicated than they really are, honey. We just need twenty seconds of bravery. That's all." Emma look at green similar eyes and sighed.

"I want to be alone. Thanks, anyway." Snow nodded and stood up to leave, but left on another note.

"Remember that **_love isn't weakness, Emma. It's strength._** " And with that she left. Emma stared at the space where her mother had just stood and thought about it. If Snow was right, then she just had to have the courage and confront Regina.


	3. Breathe Again

**This is it! welcome to the end of this short story I hope it was of your liking. Thank you for the follows and favorites you guys stoled a big smile from me!**

 **Thanks to my friend and amazing beta Caryn.**

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 **(X)**

 _ **Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.**_

 **Zora Neale Hurston.**

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It was Monday morning and Regina was cleared from the hospital. Emma didn't show up to help her to get to the mansion. They still had to talk about what happened. So instead, Snow helped Regina. They had a long past between them, but they mended their differences, at least for the sake of Henry.

"Are you ready?" asked Snow smiling. Regina nodded standing up from the bed already dressed. Henry was carrying the bag to David's truck. Regina wasn't too happy about going with them, but Emma hadn't showed up. Actually they hadn't talked in awhile. That had Regina worried. "Are you okay?" She looked to Snow's eyes.

"Yes, Snow. I'm okay." Snow glanced a little weary at her but nodded. They went outside and sat in the truck. The drive to the mansion was quick, Henry got inside first with Regina's bag. Snow went inside too to help with anything else.

"You can leave," said Regina. "I'm okay. Henry is with me, I don't need anything else. Thank you." Snow arched an eyebrow. "What?"

"Don't you want to talk?" Regina shook her head. "I think you could use a talk, Regina."

"I don't need your advice, Snow. That's overstepping the line between us. I'm okay, everything is fine, don't you see?!" her voice came louder than expected. She sighed, "I, I'm sorry. Please just leave me alone." Snow nodded and turned to leave.

"You can talk to me, if you want, whenever you want, Regina. Aside from everything, I'm still that little girl you trusted once. Just one more thing. Despite what Cora said, love isn't weakness." And she left.

Regina blinked at the speech. It was useless to think about love and her mother, it was just useless to feel but she still needed to have the strength to live. For Henry, just for Henry.

"Mom?" she turned to see Henry on the first step of the stairs, "Are you okay? Do you need anything?" she smiled at him and came closer. He was getting bigger every day, his hair needing a cut. She loved him so much. His eyes reminded her of Emma. Green beautiful eyes. She kissed his cheek.

"I am okay, my little prince. I just want to rest for a while." He nodded and hugged her tight. She let herself be held.

"I love you, Mom." She smiled broadly.

"I love you too, Henry."

"Can you please stop pacing around? You're getting on my nerves!" said Ruby to the blonde. Emma bit her lip. She was nervous because she was going to talk to Regina today, no matter what.

"I'm just nervous, Rubes." Ruby sighed.

"Damn girl, I know, but you need to chill. It's just Regina, remember? You're always talking to her." Emma sent her a glare.

"Oh yeah. I'm always confessing my love for her, Rubes. Are you kidding me?!" Ruby laughed. "Don't laugh, it isn't funny. It's Regina. I'm so scared, Ruby. I don't want to throw a bone at this; I don't want to feel rejected." Ruby stared at the blonde seriously.

"Emma Swan! If the Mayor doesn't want you in her life as a partner then she is an idiot and doesn't deserve you." Emma looked amazed at Ruby, "Yes. You are worth it, do you hear me? Now get your damn ass to that mansion already, because I'm losing it." Emma laughed awkwardly and shifted a little.

"Yeah, okay. I'll talk to you later, Rubes. Or not." Ruby winked at her, and with that, she left the station.

This was the time. Emma, who grew up alone, who was used to being alone. Life had been a mess for Emma since she was little, growing up in the system, going to home after home. But it was time to face those fears. It was time to let the feeling of not being enough aside. It was time to find home, and Regina was home for her.

She stared at the mansion for at least twenty minutes, inside of her Bug. "Twenty seconds of courage," she said to herself. She opened the Bug's door and stepped outside into the chilly evening air. She had been doing this walk almost every day, but this time it was different. She hoped it was changing everything for the better.

She knocked on the door and listened to a muffled sound behind the door. Henry opened, smiling at her.

"Hey kid." He opened the door wider for her to come inside.

"Hey, Ma. Mom is taking a shower; do you want me to tell her you are here?" Emma nodded and shifted nervously. "Okay, be right back," he said running upstairs.

At least ten minutes passed when dark hair appeared in the living room.

"Miss Swan," Regina said. That wasn't good, thought Emma.

"Oh please, don't. Don't put me there, Regina." Regina laughed bitterly.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know I had to put you on some better level?" Emma sighed.

"You don't need to get bitchy with me, you know. I just came to talk." Regina sent her a glare.

"To talk and insult me in my own house, apparently!" Emma stood up and got closer, "Don't you dare come closer."

"What the hell is wrong with you, anyway?!" Regina stiffened a little. "I seriously don't get you. You were kissing me a couple of days ago, and now your treating me like shit again. I just, you know what? Screw this!" Emma turned to leave but Regina held her by the arm.

"Emma, wait…" said quickly to reach her.

"What? What do you want?" said Emma looking with tears in her eyes. "What else do you want from me, Regina?"

"I, I don't know" sighed the brunette. "I'm sorry, Emma. I don't know how to do this."

"I thought we were friends, I thought we were working on this, you know, on us…" Emma whispered, "I thought…I, I don't know Regina. I, you're important to me." Regina let out a sigh, there were so many things that she wanted to tell Emma. So many things to say and so many ways, but none seemed good enough.

"Emma, you…we need to stop this, whatever this is, it's not working! I can't do this, I can't live like this. I'm so tired of being broken. I'm so tired." Emma almost couldn't listen to the last words that escaped from her mouth, those words stung like a knife inside of her.

"You don't get it, do you?" Regina looked right into Emma's emerald eyes, "I want the parts that you've tried to throw away – the parts that you were convinced no one could ever love." Regina's breath caught in her throat. "I want to get to know you, naked, with clothes on. Where do you hurt most? What are you afraid of? Where is your heart? I want to be there for you, all the time, to be yelled at by you. I want to be your handkerchief. I want to be whatever you want me to be, but please don't throw me away. This, us, it could be something bigger. We could make it. Because I, I want everything. I love you, Regina, dammit! Do you feel anything?" Emma's voice sounded a little broken after all she said, "I know you're afraid. I am too. I'm terribly afraid, Regina, but I, I don't want to break your heart, I'm not going to break your heart. I can't, because it'll break mine and I need you, I need this."

Regina was in front of her, and she was impossible to read, even for Emma. The minutes went by, and desperation took over Emma. Had she gone too far? Had Regina never felt the same? Had she been wrong all this time? So many questions were being exposed inside of her mind, so many fears were showing. Regina stepped close to Emma, not saying a word, not even looking at her eyes, just closing the distance.

The gentle touch to her cheek gave Emma a good feeling, the sweet breath rubbing her own lips, and then the strong pressure of those full lips. The kiss started smooth, sweet, even, just like a little touch, their breaths colliding under the strong feelings, the right hand of Regina on her waist. Their chests close to one another, her fingers pulling her hair slowly, smooth fingers tracing paths in blonde hair. As the kiss deepened, her tongue asking for entrance, the desire growing in her stomach. The kiss went for a while, revealing the strongest feelings, the desirable thoughts, there were no more words needed, just the softest kiss. Their breaths trapped in their mouths becoming free as their lips brushed one last time.

Emma's head was pressed to Regina's, both were unable to speak, their eyes closed not wanting to open, just living in the moment. The truth that had been hidden and had being consuming both of them.

"You're an idiot," Emma laughed hard. "I, I didn't know how to tell you this Emma, but I'll try. I only loved one person in my whole life and it was Daniel and you know it. I lost him, and it broke me. I became the worst person you could meet. And I still regret many things about what I did. But everything gave me Henry and you. You came to this town with your stupid beautiful smile and made me feel alive again. And I freaked out because I wasn't ready, because I haven't loved since Daniel's death. But then you came, and threw my whole world upside down. You came and made me feel like I could be a better person. And I want that, I want to be better for you. Because I love you, you fool. I love you, and I want to throw aside all of my demons just to let your love get in." Emma's smile was the widest smile you could ever see. A couple of happy tears rolled down her cheeks and she laughed. She laughed because her heart was full of life. Because Regina Mills loved her. And there was nothing better than to love and to be loved.


End file.
